anxiety, Motivation

Decisions

I am at the point in my anxiety where it is very difficult to make basic decisions. I skip meals when I can’t decide if I’d rather have a can of soup or a sandwich. I fret for hours over whether I should buy trash bags this week or wait until next week.

During times like this, I need to get a personal shopper. Tell them what I need and what my tastes/needs are with the item(s) and either give them my card or have them get me a price (with a finder’s fee of course) and then venmo them the money to take care of it.

I am so frustrated. I should be able to do simple things like pick out some pots for the new plants that I won at work. I should be able to decide what time of potting soil to buy. And my lucky bamboo needs to be moved to a bigger container so I have to decide whether I keep them in water/rocks or switch to potting soil.

That doesn’t even get to the other decisions and purchases that I have to make. I get so frustrated when my anxiety locks my brain up like this. Why does my brain get so overwhelmed with everyday choices like this?

Decisions. Decisions.

Uncategorized

Armor

I’m starting to see cracks in my armor. When this pandemic started, I was more than happy to stay home. For months I have been going to work and staying home with very little contact with others.

Recently I have noticed that it’s getting harder to leave the house. It’s harder to plan outings again. I spent years breaking out of this type of confinement. Now it seems I’m heading back.

I’m also drinking more. I’m watching the levels of my bottles go down quickly. I’m drinking during the week when I work from home the next day.

My armor is cracking and I’m not sure what to do. I can’t go back to being that person that barely functions. I don’t want to go back to daily anxiety or panic attacks. I don’t want to go back to having a plan in place for a quick escape, knowing my brain will forcing me to flee.

I need to start pushing myself again. It’s rough, but I need it. I need to force myself to go outside and wander. I need to go to a store. I need to fix my armor before it fails me completely.