It is not every day that I discover something new about my mental health. After many decades, I am shocked that something new is energizing me. But let’s start at the beginning.

I have been in a funk for a few years now. There were good days and bad days. Drunk days and sober days. Solitary days and day with friends and family. The first part of the story is not going to be anything new. My discovery started with a visit from an old friend. We met up at one of our usual hangouts with some other friends. We did not stay long, maybe two hours at most. Nothing extraordinary happened during this visit. The next day, however, I was in a better mood. My darkness had dimmed a little and I had more motivation.

Now, we all know that people with my disability have good days. I can have high motivation days or high positivity days. Waking up to this feeling was not completely out of the blue.

Fast forward a week. I had another visitor from out of town. We took the ferry over to San Francisco. We ate at the ferry building. I even tried the fish and chips (they were really good). We walked in the sun and stopped whenever I needed a rest. No judgement. No commentary. I would just say something along the lines of this spot is a great place to relax on a sunny day.My visitor also has chronic diseases and knew I was in pain and needed to rest, but did not show sympathy or make remarks about it. We just sat down and kept talking.

The next day I felt amazing. My brain was kicking into overdrive. My motivation spiked. My happiness levels increased. Even though the week between these two visits were full of pain, stumbling, visits to the doctor, and blood tests. I woke up the next day better. More powerful.

Two different visitors. Two different days. Two different experiences. The same result. What was going on? I spent that day pondering this. Were there any similarities to these two visits? They both required me to be outdoors and the weather was beautiful. But I know that being outdoors in the sunlight can help, even if my brain won’t allow me to do it.

That is when it hit me. During both visits, my brain was engaged in stimulating conversations. Not the standard conversations about a movie, a show, or what we did that day. This was not a conversation relaying how our day went. These were not the engaging conversations that I have at work. We talked about life. We talked about the world. We talked about health, disabilities, and emerging treatments. Our conversations included discussing things that required me to be fully present and attentive. I was not half distracted by my phone or the world around me. I was actively engaging in conversations. I was engaging with people that were living their lives and interacting fully. I was having intelligent conversations with people in person. I was living my life outside of work, home, and my health. That is what I discovered. What seemed like basic interactions was in fact medicine that I needed to fight back the depression, the mind fog, everything. That is an amazing discovery. Now let’s see what I can do with that.