depression, Uncategorized

Simple

It was a simple task. Just climb the tree. So simple. If only I weren’t a fish.

I’m finding it very enlightening to see which people are struggling to stay home during this first week of quarantine. Staying home is simple. It’s easy. You just don’t go out. Why can’t you handle that? It’s so easy. You just don’t. go. out.

That’s what I hear when my depression is keeping me from life. From people and events. It’s easy to just grab a bus to the train and head to a city and then walk over there. Just come out to this loud, crazy place and don’t worry about anything. It’s so easy.

There are days that I use more energy and mental power forcing myself out of bed than you use to order a cup of coffee. There are days that I leave the house wondering why I can’t just lay on the couch watching movies or playing games. There are days that I miss birthdays and events and parties because I just can’t. I can’t.

I tried to be there when I could, but I couldn’t always be there. I hated disappointing my friends. I have even lost friends over this issue, but no one’s life was at risk.

Today, I am asking you to stay home. Don’t go out. Don’t travel. Don’t leave. Stay home. There are lives at stake.

Those friends that were disappointed with me, frustrated with me because I couldn’t simply do something so easy as to go to another city, those friends? They can’t stay home for one weekend. They are getting a small glimpse of what I go through daily and they are failing harder than a fish trying to climb a tree.

Simple is as simple does. You thought it was so easy to walk to the train and go for an adventure, while I found it terrifying, difficult, and mind draining. You didn’t understand. Now, you are being asked to do what I want to do every weekend. Stay home. Lay on the count. Don’t do anything. And guess what? You can’t. It’s too difficult for you. Imagine that you have to live like that every day. You can’t go out. You have to stay home. You can’t have contact with other people.

Welcome to the world of bizarro depression. Welcome to my world.

 

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