TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide

There is a whispering in my head tonight. It was a hard day. So many things went wrong. So much bad shit. My brain just wants to shut down and move one.

Don’t fall for that. DO NOT FALL FOR THAT.

Like the song said, I had a bad day. That is it. Nothing more. My brain is whispering otherwise. My brain is convincing me that this world is just not worth my time. I am too precious to be held down by the chaos of this country. This world.

After 40 plus years, I am getting better at realizing when the whispers are in my head. The bad voices. The Whispers. I was struggling today. I just wanted to give up and give up with finality. But you know what? My cat had other plans. She slapped me a few times and forced some cuddling. Not sure how that fits into the personal space thing, but she did. I did. We did. But the whispers are still there. The volume is lower, but the whispers are always there. It just takes one moment. One incident.

There is an old saying that criminals have to be lucky every day. Every time. But the authorities only need to be lucky once. The same thing can be said about the Whispers. I can successfully beat them every day, but it only takes one time for me to fail. Thankfully, I have support. But sometimes, that just isn’t’ enough.

Dear Reader. I am not trying to scare you or beg for attention. If you are reading this, I survived the most recent episode of The Whispering. You are also loved enough to know my inner crazy. You are a friend. A friend indeed.

Do not worry about me today. The Whispers have passed and I am back on Hallmark movies. But that was the most difficult encounter that I have had in awhile.

I love you. I don’t need a reason. I love you. Be good. Be happy. Be loud.