depression, emotions, Motivation, Song Lyrics

Hole

Back before the internet, well before the world wide web maybe, I spent years looking for a song by Cyndi Lauper. The song was from Vibes. If you haven’t seen that movie, stop, drop, and roll that video.

This hole in my heart that goes all the way to China…

I sometimes feel as if something is missing inside of me. Like a hole within me. I know that it’s my depression messing with my head, but I’m always trying to fill that hole. Usually with alcohol and loud music and wild times. Sometimes, though, I find a passion that fills that hole, even if only for a short period.

2020 has been a devastating year. So many people have lost their lives, their jobs, their homes, their livelihoods. It’s too depressing to try and wrap my brain around the amount of loss and misery that has occurred this year.

But for me, not so much. I changed jobs this year and not a month too soon. I got promoted at this job that I was only at for 8 months. I have an amazing husband that is always near me, making sure I stay on my feet. I learned how to cook this year. Not boxed foods or frozen foods; I legit learned how to cook.

So many horrible things have happened to almost everyone, but I’ve had a good year overall. Now, though, that hole is back. I’m getting lost looking for a way to fill that hole. Did 2020 finally do me in or am I just feeling guilty and letting my empathy take the pain of others?

I don’t know. I wish I did. I do know that something needs to change. I need a spark, a light, a flame, a new year. Something. Luckily, I have the support system I need to fall on my face and get back up again. I know that I can get back up again and that is an amazing feeling. Now if only I could skip this hole in my heart.

depression, Song Lyrics

Darkness

As the sun sets, darkness falls. The once quite landscape is filled with noises that one cannot quite make out. Danger lurks in the corners.

This is my mind.

When darkness falls, will you still see the true colors of my mind?

Cyndi Lauper:

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then
Don’t be unhappy, can’t remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there

And I’ll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow

[Whisper:] Can’t remember, when I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there

And I’ll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors
True colors are shining through

I see your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
Like a rainbow