depression, Song Lyrics

Unknown

Do you ever get this instinct that something is wrong with your body or your mind but you can neither figure out exactly what it is not can you explain it? That’s where I have been lately.

Of course, as one does, I googled my symptoms and found out I have over a dozen types of cancers, a few tumors, some rare disorder, and four minutes to live. (I am not making light of any of these)

I have been trying to figure out how to approach my doctor. I read through some information on the Mayo Clinics site and I have an idea, but it’s not likely that it started recently. It is more likely that I have been confusing symptoms with my anxiety symptoms. If I ask now, I think he’ll wave me off and toss these under the MDD umbrella.

And now for the song in my head…

There’s something wrong with my mind today. I don’t know what it is. There’s something wrong with mind….. Living on the meds! 😂

depression, Motivation

Crutches

We all need crutches from time to time, but it seems like people that need crutches because of depression get stigmatized more.

Sometimes it’s the little things that are the most difficult for me. It’s the every day decisions. For example, when you think about making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you probably think about getting the bread, jelly, peanut butter, and a knife to whip it together.

For me, making that same sandwich means walking into the kitchen. Open the fridge and grab the jelly. Walk to the cabinet, open the door and grab the peanut butter. Walk to the other cabinet, open it and grab bread. Walk to the drawer, pull it open and grab a butter knife. Walk to yet another freaking cabinet, open the door and grab a plate. Set everything down on the counter.

Do you see where I’m going with this? I hope so because those instructions are overwhelming me and I’m just typing them.

When a person without depression looks at tasks, they take a lot of steps for granted, which makes it look simple. As a person that has major depressive disorder, my brain creates at least five times the number of steps. If you throw in decisions like which type of jelly… I’m done.

Do you walk up to a person with a cane in the parking lot to tell them that it’s so easy to walk from the car to store without a cane? I hope you don’t. So when you know someone suffers from Depression, try to avoid phrases like “but it’s so easy if you just” or “you don’t need all of that. Just…”

emotions, Motivation, Song Lyrics

Acquaintance

This is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody’s office
I’ll talk but you won’t listen to me
I know what your answer will be
I know you don’t love me anymore
You used to hold my hand when the plane took off
Two years ago there just seemed so much more
And I don’t know what happened to our love
Today’s the day
Our friendship has been stale
And we will meet later to finalize the details
Two years ago the seed was planted
And since then you have taken me for granted
But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody’s office
I’ll talk but you won’t listen to me
I know your answer already
But this is the last day of our acquaintance
I will meet you later in somebody’s office
I’ll talk but you won’t listen to me
I know your answer already
I know your answer already
I know your answer already

 

SINEAD O’CONNOR
“The Last Day Of Our Acquaintance”