depression, Motivation

Appointment

I have a confession to make. I have an appointment with a psychologist. I think I’m ready to try and move another step forward. It is so easy to say that I’m good. I don’t need to improve. But I do.

I want to build a craft area where I can make and perfect my bath and body products. I want to finalize the name of the LLC that I’m going to start and create a logo. I want my friends and colleagues to think of me when they are buying small gifts for people.

I want more.

Change is hard though. Some of my steps forward have been disastrous. I lost a few friends and acquaintances during one of those steps. I don’t mind. I know I’m difficult. I just have to remember that these appointments and these steps forward have consequences outside of me. That’s why it’s hard to do this.

But I am doing this.

I am taking the next step.

I have an appointment.

depression, emotions

Amends

I feel like I am stuck in a nightmare and cannot wake up. I left for my trip to Indiana on Thursday, but I never made it there. I made it to the Dallas Fort Worth airport and then became stuck in a mess of cancellations and bad luck. My flight kept getting delayed over and over until, finally, it was just cancelled. American Airlines sent me a text to book a room, but they only paid for one night. They did not pay for the ride to the hotel. Or the ride back. The rebooked my flight for three days later. On my four day trip.

I made it to the hotel that night to find the handrail in the elevator was not attached to the wall. Simply leaning on the rail caused it to drop off. That was fun. The next morning I realized the sheets had dried blood spots on them. More fun.

I spent the night and half of Friday trying to rebook my trip to get to Indiana on Friday, or even early on Saturday. I finally gave up and asked them to send me home.

After $1,200 and more than 48 hours, I finally made it home. But I can’t get out of this funk that I am in. This darkness keeps wrapping itself around me. What did I do to anger the gods so much? I just do not know.

How do I make amends?