Uncategorized

Balance

Posted on by Zander Maverick

We need to have a balance in our life. This includes our friends and our family. Too much negativity or drama can be uncomfortable. At the same time, too much positivity and success can also be uncomfortable.

People aren’t perfect. I’m not. You’re not (unless you are Jensen Ackles). 

We have to put the people in our lives on a scale. We have to ask. When someone is dragging negativity into our lives, we can’t just drop them. We have to balance them. Does the happiness and positivity outweigh the negative?

We are all struggling. We need to stop expecting perfection from each other. We need to take a breath and think about why we are upset by something or someone. Are we sensitive? Are we triggered?

0
depression, emotions

Bridges

Posted on by Zander Maverick

Bridges are so ironic. They help to get people from here to there. They cover gaps in pathways. They open up to be more accessible. Bridges are so versatile in their builds.

But bridges also lead to death and destruction. Bridges do no discriminate. Mental health does not discriminate. When you jump off that bridge, the landing spot will not discriminate.

#hashtag #darkturn

How are we supposed to know when our friends or family are suicidal? Do they have a meter on their forehead that shows the level of shit they can no longer deal with? Do they start acting like the world is full of crap and nothing matters? Or do they just welcome what the bridge can bring them?

Suicide is a scary thought for those with normal brains. For others, it’s like breathing. It just happens on a regular basis. I do not really know what people expect from suicidal people though. Do you think they will hop on Facebook and say “Hey! Sunday Fun Day! I am going to jump off the bridge this afternoon, but does anyone want to grab brunch first?”

Death is bitch this way. Depression is a bitch this way. Life is a bitch this way.

#CheckOnYourFriends #MoreOften

*note: I am fine

0
depression, emotions, Motivation, Song Lyrics

Tennesse

Posted on by Zander Maverick

We all have a journey in front of us. We can take that journey or stay home. We have a choice but not always the tools needed to join the journey. I am thankful that I could go on my journey to California.

#lyrics

I’m up and jaws are on the floor
Lovers in the bathroom and a line outside the door
Blacklights and a mirrored disco ball
Every night’s another reason why I left it all

I thank my wicked dreams
A year from Tennessee
Oh, Santa Monica
You’ve been too good to me
Won’t make my mama proud
It’s gonna cause a scene
She sees her baby girl
I know she’s gonna scream

God, what have you done
You’re a pink pony girl
And you dance at the club
Oh mama, I’m just having fun
On the stage in my heels
It’s where I belong down at the
Pink Pony club

*via Pink Pony Club, Chappell Roan

0
Uncategorized

Rock

Posted on by Zander Maverick

You are my rock.

We say this about people that keep us grounded. We say this about people that keep us on track. We say this. But. What happens when the rock crumbles?

What happens when everyone that is your “rock” has started to crumble and break. When you are the only one still fumbling around in a world without knowing. When your foundation starts to fall without notice.

How do you recover knowing that your support beams are warped, broken, and failing? How do you move on without unconsciously blaming them for not helping?

My father died. The people that helped me recover from that are dying from the same fucking shit. How do I not blame myself for that?

0
anxiety, depression

2024

Posted on by Zander Maverick

I have learned a lot on my trip to Las Vegas for Christmas 2024. I live in a safe bubble within the United States. A safe haven for those in need. A safe haven with possibilities and hope and love.

Las Vegas was filled with trump supporters. I could feel the aura of ignorance, hopelessness, hatred, and anger. Everything that he has built is destroying not only this country, but Christianity itself within the United States.

Love thy neighbor. Peacefully bring people together instead of forcing religion on everyone. If Jesus is real, he needs to come back. People are destroying this world in his name. He needs to remove the false prophets and followers. Maybe his father needs to wipe the world clean again.

It is so laughable that the people that wear their religion on their sleeves are most likely to be the least christ-like.

I will not be spending much time in trump states. I am not mentally strong enough to handle that much hate, ignorance, and hopelessness.

Jesus Christ would never support Donald Trump. He would condemn him for his rhetoric. His hate. His anger. We need to be more like Jesus Christ and less like MAGA.

0
depression, emotions

PhysicalPsychiatry

Posted on by Zander Maverick

I have decided to invent a new type of therapy. Physical Psychiatry. I so often need to curl up in a ball and let the world move around me without me involved. But, what if I could go to a therapist and curl up into a physical ball and they massage my head and neck. And then they ease all of the muscles that are tightened up while telling me that I matter and I am a good person that adds to the best of humanity.

I need a therapist to acknowledge what I am going through as well as what I went through. But this is both a mental and physical issue. I am happy that someone solved my brain issues for a hot minute or my knots for a bit.

And hear me out here. What if someone could work the physical stress along with the mental stress? I need a therapist that can be the big spoon to my cuddles while dealing with my mental issues. Treat my mental and physical depression.

0
Uncategorized

#fucked

Posted on by Zander Maverick

People are born into their circumstances. They are created by the greater good. We do not have the same chances though. We do not have the same allowances.

I am gay.

That should be enough for you to understand the struggles that I have been through over my life, but it is not. The kids these days do not understand my struggles. The straights do not understand the loss of opportunities.

No one understands the pain of having your entire future destroyed because some people do are uncomfortable with men having sex with men.

Fucked.

I was an intelligent child. I was odd and an outsider. I stood up for me and my people when I could. I was never enough. Most people from then do not even remember me.

A cute guy was nice to me when I was 19. I couldn’t understand why. Did he think I was intelligent? Did he love me? Did he want the sex with me? Did he treat me nicely because of the people I knew?

Fucked.

I guess the biggest lesson from those days is that if they don’t ask, we shouldn’t tell them.

Fucked.

0
depression, emotions

Tap

Posted on by Zander Maverick

Tap. Tap.

The sound of tapping can be so loud and irritating or almost impossible to hear.

The sound of a demon tapping on your soul is painful and screeching. The sound of the kitty tapping on your arm to get scritches is ever so quiet. The sound of me tapping out is but a whisper.

Being gay has defined me and my life since I was a child. I was teased as a child. I was bullied in school. I was fired from jobs. I had cars drive by me throwing beer bottles at me while calling me a faggot. I was discharged from the nuclear engineering program in the United States Navy even though I had one of the highest scores. I was disowned and unfriended.

After 40 plus years, the world still sees me as a faggot. And now, the gay community sees me as an old, fat queen. I am tired. I am so very tired of fighting for everyone and everything.

The country has made a major decision and I am not wanted. I get that so I am tapping out. I will curl up with a good book in California and enjoy solitary life with my husband. I will watch the country and the world fall apart and maybe even burn. I have ten years before I get to retire to and tell this country to suck my faggoty dick. I hate that word, like I am some kind of cigarette to be smoked. But there it is from my lips finally.

Tap. Tap.

That is the sound of me tapping out. It is someone else’s turn to fight for marriage rights when the Supreme Court overturns the law. It is someone else’s turn to fight for the right to be in the military. It is someone else’s turn.

Tap.

0
Uncategorized

Sandman

Posted on by Zander Maverick

You must know that this post is going to include lyrics. I mean, come on. Sandman?

But I need you to read these lyrics because they are very relevant today. We are in the midst of chaos and hell. Sanity has gone out the window. We are in a fight for our souls. Our lives. Our ability to be. There is something wrong.

If I die before I wake, pray to Pan my soul to take.

Something’s wrong, shut the light
Heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren’t of Snow White
Dreams of war, dreams of liars
Dreams of dragon’s fire
And of things that will bite, yeah

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We’re off to never-never land, yeah

Now I lay me down to sleep (now I lay me down to sleep)
Pray the Lord my soul to keep (pray the Lord my soul to keep)
If I die before I wake (if I die before I wake)
Pray the Lord my soul to take (pray the Lord my soul to take)
Hush, little baby, don’t say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It’s just the beasts under your bed
In your closet, in your head

0
anxiety, depression, emotions, Song Lyrics

Life

Posted on by Zander Maverick

For those of you in the world that do not know me, my first concert was Slippery When Wet. Does that change your view of me?

Like Frankie said, I did it my way

It’s my life. Tomorrow’s getting harder, make no mistake
Luck ain’t enough, you’ve got to make your own breaks

You better stand tall when they’re calling you out
Don’t bend, don’t break, baby, don’t back down

#bonjovi #itsmylife

0