I often struggle with the need to push myself to do more. With depression, I always feel like I am doing too much and not enough at the same time. Today I find myself at a crossroad. I think I might be pushing myself a little too hard. I feel the pressure of the outside as I expand my world and my focus.
I work full-time. I don’t think I have ever not worked full-time since 17. I was working part-time long before then. I am in school full-time. I have decided that I want to do better in my career. I want to be better. I need a degree to get there.
My boss likes to give me extra assignments that will give me experience, and maybe some extra money as well.
I like to be the person that promotes happiness and helpfulness.
Right now, I am doing all four. My depression tells me that I am overwhelming myself. My desires tell me I need to do more. I don’t know who to listen to any more. All work and no play makes Zander a dull boy, but I have spent decades being a fun boy.
Am I doing enough to improve my life and my husband’s life? Or I am doing too much and pushing myself too hard?
I don’t know.